The Pride & Prejudice Paradigm

I am a Jane Austen junkie. I became converted to bonnet-dom in high school, the first time I saw the 5-hour Pride and Prejudice movie. You know, the one women reverence and men flee from in mortal terror? In the years since, I have read every book and seen dozens of movie adaptations. More importantly, I have managed to convert nearly every woman I know to the Austen religion (at least the ones that remained unconverted before I got to them), and have therefore single-handedly kept the BBC distribution outlet in business.

However, in all those hours of sighing and swooning, there is one conversation topic that never fails to come up. Whenever we hear Jane Bennet wistfully hoping that she will be allowed to marry for love and not money, or Mr. Darcy rudely informing Elizabeth of the inferiority of her connections, everyone collectively exclaims, "I'm so glad things don't work that way anymore!" People just fall in love. They don't pay attention to social class or income or family connections.

Au contraire. I have had various experiences recently that have assured me that romantic interest based on income is just as alive and well as it was in eighteenth century England. Allow me to elaborate.

First, let me preface by making a shameful confession. Despite the years of informing others that I would never, ever cave, I did. Roughly a year ago, I finally abandoned all dignity and joined an LDS dating website. Twenty-five and single is no joking matter, ladies. Thus commenced a wild ride that served to drastically hone my "fight or flight" responses and nearly destroy my confidence in mankind's ability to effectively communicate. I have to admit though, I wasn't nearly as surprised at the number of wierdies I encountered as I was at the number of young men I met that had great potential, but were stubbornly refusing to meet it.

For example, my mouth nearly fell open at the guy I went out with who stated, "Why should a girl expect me to support her? Why can't she work, and I'll stay home and take care of the kids? Girls are so lazy!" Not only was I appalled at this returned missionary's ability to so easily disregard the divinely appointed roles of men and women, but the guy with the junior college degree in journalism who was working in a call center had the nerve to lecture ME on laziness? ME?! The CPA with a Master's degree? With six months of hellish CPA exam studies flashing before my eyes, I nearly strangled him. And that wasn't even close to the only time that particular scenario occurred. It was the conversation with this go-getter, however, that caused me reflect, and to realize that there is a very healthy population of men out there who think they have somehow earned the right to coast. I used to laugh about it, but suddenly I don't find it quite so funny anymore. The Age of the Sugar Mamas has commenced. Heaven help us.

Enter my experiment. Before I get knee-deep in details, allow me to provide a glossary of terms for those of you who are unfamiliar with the world of online dating (lucky schmucks)...

1) View: This functionality basically informs you how many people (men, in my case) clicked on your picture to view your profile. This is the first sign that a guy may be interested in you.

2) Flirt: This is the next step up from a view. If he views your profile and sends you a flirt, he liked what he saw, but not enough to personalize a message to you...that, or he's just a chicken, which is a prevailing condition nowadays.

3) Message: This phenomenon occurs if a guy likes your profile enough to actually invoke the brain cells it takes to compose a message. Typically only the brave ones, or the ones who are too overcome by your beauty to resist, manage this.

4) Match: This is about as far as you can go in online dating. This is the Big Kahuna, the Piece de Resistance. This what every girl DREAMS of (yes, that was sarcasm--in case you missed it). This is a guy's way of telling you that if he had ever actually met you, he would likely have proposed to you on the spot. You do not take a Match lightly.

So, not counting the first month or so that I was on the website (your first month, your profile pops up all over the place and you get enough views and messages to make you feel like online dating might have been a halfway decent idea after all--it declines quickly though), I averaged around two to three views per day, one flirt, and maybe an email message every two or three days. Respectable, but not exactly noteworthy. Matches were rarer, about one every two months or so.

I received a notification recently that my subscription to the LDS website was nearly up. I had no intention of renewing it, so I decided to use my last 10 days in the world of cyber-celestial-dating, to commission a study. Several months ago, the LDS site that I was using added a new feature to my profile: Income. Yes, I was shocked too. You actually had the option to inform the world in general how well you were doing financially. Needless to say, I kept this particular feature fixed firmly on "I'd rather not say". But then, I had a thought. It seems a common theme, even in today's society, to consider women "gold diggers", always looking for a guy willing to drop millions for their amusement. Well, I maintain that gold digging is not exclusively a female sport.

So...now, allow me to lay out my great experiment. Determined as I was to reveal that mankind is deteriorating into a puddle of "support me, please", I broke my cardinal rule and changed my income feature. Not to reflect the truth, but to attract attention. I did not change another single feature of my profile. This is what my profile stated as my general characteristics:

No, I do not make that kind of money. If only. But I had a point to prove, so I lied on an LDS website. Yes, I'm probably going to Hades, but the more important thing to point out is my RESULTS. Please observe. In the ten days that my profile proudly proclaimed that I was pushing six figures:

1) The Views to my profile QUADRUPLED.
2) Flirts and Messages more than doubled.

And, remember those matches? Those elusive things that only the very fortunate claim?

3) I received TEN Match requests in ten days.

TEN!! For those of you who think-by-number, I received SIXTY TIMES more match requests in those ten days than I had in the entire preceding year. Don't you try to tell me that men don't care whether or not a woman can bring home the bacon.

I know this post is just about as long as those Jane Austen novels I was talking about earlier, but I thought this modern-day manifestation of Victorian Era idioms was so interesting. Discouraging, yes, but fascinating. As for my bowing down to them, forget it. As far as I'm concerned, when he starts popping out the infants, I'll start supporting them.